alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
