Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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