is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
