You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
