I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now