you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.