Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?