I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL