Pants 0. Shit 1.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.