guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
