Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
