Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
