no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
