im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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