I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
