i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
