Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
