My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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