saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just pee around me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
