My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she smelled like a LAN party
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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