Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He did a backflip because drugs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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