problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Damn victory sex feels great
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
