so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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