Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
