someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
