I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
