I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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