I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
