god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
