if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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