Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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