is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
