Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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