i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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