she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
