I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
