my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
