i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
