It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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