Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
