i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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