I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
