Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
