what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
