I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
