If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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