You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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