dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
