Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize