I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
