Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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