Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
