Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
3 2 1 whiskey
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
