did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
