The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
