good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
