i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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