I want to walk on stilts...naked
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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