It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
