bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
