Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
