i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
