I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
