I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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