Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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