You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
