did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
