he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
