last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
