Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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