My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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